Hate it.

I spent three solid weeks with Jonathon.  We spent at least a portion of every day together and most days through the night even.  Sure we were busy and we had a lot to take care of and worry about, but we were together.  He has been gone since Friday.  We have barely gotten to talk.  I was used to this before, but three weeks of seeing him every day has made this a new phenomenon for me.  Not being able to talk to him has honestly made it difficult to talk to anyone else.  Talking is not work for me, ever.  It has been these past four days.  I feel bad for my family especially because I know they are taking the grunt end of everything.  My parents have been trying so hard to get me to talk to them and share what is wrong but I cannot put the words together and spit them out.  I got out of work early today and took a two hour nap.  I would have laid there for the rest of the day if I could have.  Last night I slept at Jon's house and cried myself to sleep without him.  This is so unlike me and I loathe it so completely.  It is a sure good thing Jonathon is worth this otherwise I would not be able to go through these emotional messes for another year.  

I am glad God still talks to me when I can't talk to Him.  He is so good and I am so undeserving of how passionately He pursues me and how tightly He holds onto me when I do not have enough strength to even gently hold His hand.    

No more coffee?

It is true.  I am officially addicted to tea.  I have realized the drastic difference in how I feel after a few cups.  With coffee, a few cups into it and I feel bloated and kind of grindy.  Tea.  Tea is beautiful.  I just pee a lot is all.  I love the transition.  I hope that early days at work do not change this for me!!

Thanksgiving, Christmas and the New Year has come and gone.  To be honest, I am glad it is gone.  Not that I hate the holidays in any way, 2008 just held challenges that made it a very trying season.  Jonathon heads back to California tomorrow morning and although it will be very sad without him I am very happy for him.  We have both been completely drained this past month and I think are both feeling very empty right now.  

Before Jonathon came home for Thanksgiving I had a solid two weeks of the most crazy God high ever.  It was amazing.  I mean, God and I hung out all the time.  That is all that I ever wanted to do.  I was up till at least two every night just praying and diving into his Word.  I reached a point where I seriously wondered if I had anymore room to be filled up.  I knew it was bound to end.  God gives us our mountain top experiences and then asks us to walk back down and make use of what He has done with us and shown us.  Two weeks of being filled to the brim, to be emptied one month later.  I know it was worth it.  I praise His name for how perfectly he entwines our lives and the circumstances around us.  I just pray that He would fill me back up.  I do not know how much more I can take.  

As my vacation comes to a close I do not dread going back to work.  I look forward to being around the beautiful children God has blessed in my care.  In their faces I see innocence and love that I yearn to be in the presence of.  

God is good

all the time

all the time

God is good. 

Oh and I write with a feather pen now too :)  I have two journals and a blog to keep up on and I just love it.  But the feather pen's journal does prove to be the most popular right now.  Honestly, who would pick a computer over a feather pen? 

Wow.

Yesterday was a day full of spiritual warfare times 56.
How blessed I am to fall asleep in the arms of my Creator.
How thrilled I felt to wake up surrounded by his overflowing mercy and grace falling down so heavily around me.
The snow is a beautiful reminder to me of how no matter how hard Satan tries to fight, Jesus has already gained the victory and will cover the world in his love and purity, leaving no sign of Satan's failed attempts to win us over.
I stand alive and smiling in the glory of God as he overwhelms me today.