Saturday, February 14, 2009
Lame.
It is kind of depressing that after two weeks of being so close to God, worshipping Him nonstop and just listening to everything He has to say to me and lays on my heart, I can feel like this. I feel sick and just downright awful. I was going to be able to hang out with a bunch of girls from work tonight but I just feel miserable. My chest hurts when I breathe. I feel distant from God. How can that happen? The depressing thing of it all is that God is not pursuing me any less. He is still so ridiculously in love with me, sending me love letters and speaking to my heart. I just know he is, but I cannot feel it. It makes me feel even more down on myself because I know it is me pulling away. I just hate that I do it! Why? He thinks I am worth it. He thinks I am worth loving unconditionally. He does not stop pursuing me. He does not stop sending me love letters. He does not stop trying to make me feel like I am his absolutely beautiful creation. He didn't think on the cross, "no nevermind, Emily's is not worth this sacrifice." No He gave everything he had for me so I could live a life with purpose. So I could smile even when I am sick. So I could laugh even when my chest hurts. So I could feel beautiful even when my eyes are swollen and puffy from tears. So I could live a life for him. Where nothing else matters. Where by His blood I can be forgiven for all of my selfish needs of this world that will account for nothing in the age to come. I love my God. It's a good thing I wasn't god because I would be so sick of me by now. But He still loves me. And never wants to stop reminding me of it. What a God to worship.
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Yep, Satan will do that to you. And he'll love every second he can spend laughing in your face. You are human. You are vulnerable. BUT, you are also very faithful. Don't give that snake the satisfaction of robbing your joy. Stop thinking, feeling, crying, and breathe. For just one minute--and feel free to watch it tick away on the clock--pray to God, face to face, that He would show Himself to you in some awesome, unmistakeable way that could ONLY be Him. Demand that Satan get behind you--and get away from you. This happens to most of us who claim to be Christians on an ongoing basis. God uses adversity to bring us closer to Him. Believe it or not, it strengthens our faith so that we can become more effective witnesses to others. I don't know what your troubles are, Emily, and I don't need to know. God knows all about it. God has things under control. When you are too weak to pray for yourself, it's ok to ask others. You have so many people who love you so very much, and you have a God who loves you more than anything. What could be better?
Take a deep breath, exhale slowly, and rejoice in the love of your Savior. Dry your tears and smile, like the M&M said before you ate it! Smile and know that God is smiling with you and for you. And He loves you so much more than you know. More than our puny little minds can comprehend. Isn't that just the most awesome thing? I love you and I'm praying for you. Please tell me if there is anything I can do for you.
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