Unfailing Love.

Driving to Salsaritas Jon and I talked for about 2 minutes and than he had to go record.  It was depressing, I hung up and cried a little especially after my morning of crazy missing him and being reminded of amazing times with him.  I turned up the volume on my radio and immediately heard, "You are all I need."  I cried and just worshipped God with all my heart the rest of the drive.  He was all I needed.  I was not downtrodden or even disappointed that we could not talk.  God was just great.  I told God, "I just cannot believe how often you are sending your love letters to me!  This is such a spurt that I just cannot even get enough of!! You just keep speaking."  There was a few moments where I just kept worshipping and than he said, "I never stop, you just dont open your eyes."  I bawled. I love him.  He never stops. 

So my dear friend invited me to Kensington and I went for the first time tonight after Salsaritas.  I knew I was going to get to talk to Jon on my way there, or home but I forgot.  So I called him on the way there and our conversation went as follows.

"Was I supposed to call you now or after church?"

"after"

"oh. okay bye"

"love you"

I was not pissed at Jon at all but my mood just kind of dropped.  Like bummer here were 3 minutes that we could have talked.  And so I went into Kensington just kind of feeling ugh. I really wanted to worship my amazing God but was just eh about life and could not really figure out why.  Than we sang "Rain Down" by David Crowder band and I just kept thinking about my blog from the other day about God's love for me.  I could barely sing because I just felt in my heart,  "Who am I to ask God to rain down his love on me?  He never stops, I am the one who stops."  As we stopped singing the rain was pounding down on the roof so heavily and I just smiled and said in my heart, "SEE!!! It rains down whether I ask for it or not.  He never lets up, by asking him to rain it down I am basically telling him he is not already. And he NEVER stops!"  (note from the author: I do not think there is anything wrong with that song. I love it super a lot)

The pastor spoke.  It was pretty awesome.  I laughed. I frowned. I smiled. I cried. Message done.  Music on.

"Unfailing Love"  by Chris Tomlin.

I have never been to a Wednesday service at Kensington and did not know how they worked or what was next or anything but I could not contain myself.  I stood up and sang to God with all I had.  His unfailing love! Never stops, even when my eyes are closed to it.  And He did it.  That feeling that I described earlier of Jon and I at the concert.  That huge place tons of people but feeling as though we were the only ones in the room.  As I typed and cried about how I missed it and whatnot.  God did that to me tonight.  It was just God and I. Alone in all of Kensington.  Halfway through the song I realized what He was doing, this feeling He was giving me.  He saw that desire in my heart this morning and said you know what, I can do it better. And he did. Because he is God.  

I pray that anyone who's reading this would have opened eyes to the ways God individually loves on you.  There has been so much for me I am so heartbroken that I cannot write it down fast enough.  Last night I finished my Guatemala journal.  After my purchases for my nephew today I cannot bring myself to buy a new journal so it will have a lot on here and whatever I can get in my feather pen journal.  The only issue is with how fast God is going I cannot dip that ink pen fast enough and maneuver it on the paper as quickly as I like.  Maybe he is trying to give me practice and I just need to accept it :)