I am reading this book. It has stirred my heart to shame. Every time I try to discuss my love for Jesus I actually feel like a raging hypocrite who has no right to bear the name of Jesus. Don't get me wrong. I know that the Lord has sent his spirit into my heart and cries out Abba, Father. I know that I am his child. I know that I am redeemed and beautiful. I know that he desires my beauty. And I know that he has a mighty plan for my life. But I feel so horrible. At age 16 this boy ate one bowl of rice a day for 100 days and cried out in prayer to receive a Bible. When God answered his prayer he had the book of Matthew memorized in 28 days with only three years of schooling. I am barely halfway done and every time I put this book down I am more and more moved into a grief that I feel the Holy Spirit feels for me right now. I know that God has so much he wants to display in my life right now. I know he wants to work miracles beyond human understanding and give me visions and speak to my heart every moment. I also know that I am in the way. I hate that about myself. I want to be so intimate with God again and memorize his entire Word. I hate that I don't know an entire book of the Bible when I started months ago. I need Jesus so bad.
3 comments:
Try to look at it from a different point of view.
You have God in your life, and your trying. Thats all that he asks for. Surround yourself in Him, and he will love you for that.
Don't be discouraged by your faults. Were human, we don't have the ability to be perfect, but we do have the ability to work toward bettering ourselves each and every day.
Its evident your trying, and trying hard at that. Keep your chin up. Frustration is the devil trying to sway you.
I read that book several years ago and it was very inspiring. What a great blessing for him that he could memorize large chunks of scripture. Keep in mind that when God lays something on your heart to do, it's not going to leave you feeling guilty and discouraged because He will enable you to do what He asks of you, just like He did for Brother Yun. The Father will direct (and already is directing) your energies into what HE wants you to do, and not necessarily into what He led someone else to do.
Peace and love to you.
Wouldn't it be great if we could always stay on top of the mountain with Jesus. Yes we do get in the way - all the time - I am so thankful that it is His grace that washes over me every day. The repentence is the beginning of the pruning process. Sounds like you will allow him to do pruning where he wants to prune. It might hurt at first but later will produce awesome fruit. I love you sweetie! Let's have lunch, pray and even cry.
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