I am blogging about that tonight.

"Starlight's receptionist... no she's out with the Fray right now... do you know the Fray?"

HAHA...

Starlight Starbright Jones.

The first star I see tonight.

I wish I may.

I wish I might.

Have the wish

I wish tonight :))

Babies.

I am absolutely in love with what I do.

I could not ask for a better job.

Seriously.

I am so blessed.

Song.

I like a hip hop song :)
Never would I have guessed.
But I can't stop listening to it.
Shawn and I are working out to it and it makes me want to get up and dance.
I am all about it.
I want to put it up for everyone to want to dance to too...
but I am going to refrain.

Netipot.

A netipot is the most disgusting thing ever. The pharmacist swears by it and says it will help my headaches. I sure hope she's right. But running salt water through my nasal cavities is definitely not the most pleasant thing I have experienced. End of story.

Sundays.

I love everything about Sunday.

I love everything about this Sunday.

I was able to wake up with an intense work out.

Worship my Creator.

Enjoy a meal with the family where our $25 gift card turned into $3 something or other.

Kiss my nephew to my hearts content.

Put on a pair of skinny jeans from last year that I now have to buy a belt for.

Be around a family that I love like my own and will never leave my heart and prayers.

Worship the love of my life who is my "Heart Savior!"

And close it all out in an intense/relaxing yoga exercise.

I am going to sleep in my bed instead of a couch and fall asleep meditating on whatever new word God gives me to rest on.

It is officially the 29th of June right now.

I'm just sayin'.

Lyrics.

As we drove home from church I was completely zoned out and in prayer not really aware of anything that was going on. As I came to a song was ending, I didn't know who it was or what song it was, but I heard the last line.

"I guess it's safe to say your never coming back."

I'm just sayin'.

Working out.

I officially love everything about working out.

Rollerblading.

Biking.

Shredding.

Swimming.

Treading.

Walking.

And whatever else is possible.

I even more love that the pants I wore today have been a size too small for the past three years :)

Change.

I woke up this morning feeling like I could change the world.

So that is just what I intend to do.

Back to the beginning.

The Transfer played at His Rock tonight.

I stood on the right side of the stage.

At the beginning of the set God told me I had to go sit on the couch in the back corner.

I fought with Him until the last song.

He won.

I did it.

After they were done playing a song came on I have only heard once.

"The Girl"

By City and Colour.

I was not prepared for a night like tonight.

I got tonight.

You get tomorrow.

I hope you don't need to get stitches tomorrow.

Drastic.

I have made a very important decision tonight.

And I am very excited about it.

:)

Paul writes...

"I thank my God in all my remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine, for you making my prayer with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. It is right for me to feel this way about you because I hold you in my heart, for you are all partakers with me of grace, both in my imprisonment and in the defense and confirmation of the Gospel. For God is my witness how I yearn for you with all the affection of Christ Jesus. And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more with knowledge and all discernment so that you may be able to approve what is excellent and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God..."

"Yes and I will rejoice, for I know that through your prayers and the help of the Spirit of Jesus Christ this will turn out for my deliverance, as it is my eager expectation and hope that I will not be ashamed, but that with full courage now as always, Christ will be honored in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me to live is Christ and to die is gain..."

"Only let your manner of life be worthy of the gospel of Christ, so that whether I come and see you or am absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind, striving side by side for the faith of the gospel, and not frightened by anything by your opponents. This is a clear sign to them of their destruction, but of your salvation, and that from God."

This is the longest Jonathon and I have gone without communicating in three years...

All I can do is pray.

And that I will never cease to do.

Laughter.

Green Tea is relaxing.

Sisters are amazing.

And my night was unexplainably superb.

But I am going to try to explain anyways.

After an interesting day at work with power out and no air and energetic children and the like, I came home smelly and enjoyed a comforting shower. After that refreshment two beautiful friends walked through my door. They came with a lasagna dinner for my whole family and I, a goody basket for me and three tiny containers of ice cream. We had an amazing dinner with my family. We laughed, told stories and I ate. I ate without any stomach pain. I didn't want to throw up afterwards. I enjoyed most bites except the ones that impacted the teeth the dentist worked on earlier today. My heart felt a tiny bit lighter during this time.

The three of us went downstairs to cozy up on the couch and talk. I opened their goody basket and was overcome with the generosity, thoughtfulness and color coordinating ability. The last item I opened was one of those cute flippy calender things that has a quote for each new day. I would have started at the beginning but it wasn't January 1. So I opened up to June 25 and read.

"If you can eat today, enjoy the sunlight today, mix good cheer with friends today, enjoy it and bless God for it"

I wanted to cry but had no tears. "If" you can eat today. Why would anyone in their right mind put an if and can about eating. Except that God wrote it for my heart. I could eat tonight! And I did! I was in awe of the sunlight today because there were crazy storms but randomly the sun would break forth and I was awestruck by it. Good cheer and good friends. Mixed together. This was written for me. We had such a great night together. We talked, ate ice cream and did crunches and the plank... And planned a possible trip?! :) And we laughed. I laughed. My heart still hurts. It hurts bad. Sometimes when I think it might be going away it comes back full fledged as it did when it first started. But I am smiling.

At work this afternoon I went to the kitchen and noticed a sign on the refrigerator door that I know has been there since I had first started working. But for some reason I have only ever read the mission statement and never the verse underneath it. Today I noticed there was a verse and as I read it I laughed. I asked God if this was a joke, and he just laughed a little with me:

Joshua 1:9... "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

I love how God has overtaken every moment of my days and nights.

Always Forever

"You are the hand that catches my fall
You are the friend that answers my call
You are my day, You are my night
You are my love and all of my life

You are the love I need
You are the air I breathe
You are my love my life always forever
I would lay down my life
Just to be by Your side
You are my love my life always forever

You are the grace that covers my sin
You’re everything the beginning and end
You have my soul, my heart and my mind
You have my love and all of my life

Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah, forever"

Why I love Jaime.

Driving home from Hillsong I am snacking on a bag of raisins.

me: I wish I would stop eating this.

Jaime rips them out of my hand zips the bag and throws them in the back seat.

Treading water like idiots in five feet of water:

Jaime: Ted thinks it's funny how we work out together because we make each other laugh and then yell at each other to stop laughing so we can keep working out.

Me: That's so true.

Jaime: No hands for a minute

Me: How will we know when it's a minute?

Jaime: 1...2...3...4...5...6

Me: (starts to sink because I cannot handle the fact that she plans on counting to 60)

Jaime: (Laughs at my sinking and chokes on water)

Both: (Laugh and die from pool water and realize Ted has us right on)

me: I am going to try not to check my email or facebook for a few days

I get home later that day and go to check both and my password for both has been changed...

Miss Davis, did you change my passwords?!

I love her.

Encouragement.

I spent a few minutes playing bocce ball at Partridge Creek today with Jaime and Rob. Then we walked, talked, and prayed. He had no idea what was going on but after awhile as he asked about what God was stirring in my heart I just had to be honest and tell him he was breaking it and in the process of healing it. He then proceeded to tell me that his chest was very heavy and now it was very clear why and we needed to pray. He also told me that he had a verse that he knew was for me. "Do you know Joshua 1:9?" he asked.... Be strong and courageous? I was right.

Joshua 1:9

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

I held back my tears. God overlaps times and there is one conversation I will never forget when I hear this verse. How funny of him to remind me of it. He spoke to my heart and told me that he has both Jonathon and I. That he has engrained that verse on our hearts for a reason. Therefore I need not worry. God is pursuing both of us. In Jeremiahh 32:41 God promises that, "I will rejoice in doing them good, and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness, with all my heart and all my soul." Wow. My God puts forth all of his heart and soul into doing us good. What a God. What a Love.

Anyways. As Rob continued to talk I was blessed by his gift of encouragement. He spoke directly to my heart and read into attributes of mine that I never would have known that he saw in the short time we have known each other considering I didn't really realize they were there. My heart felt lighter as he spoke and I felt the Spirit of God flowing through everything he said. What a blessing. As Jaime walked and only interjected a few words here and there I realized what is so great about soul mates. Our souls speak when our mouths aren't. You can call me crazy. But sometimes when she sits in silence with me is when I feel my Spirit encouraged and refreshed. There is something God did with our souls that is beyond explanation.

God has raised up his body to encourage me and cover me in prayer during this time. I cannot deny the pain or the hurt. The aching in my chest has only slightly subsided since Monday. But God has been ever faithful, acting on his promises and pursuing me with love. I have found joy in this healing process. I have seen how God raises up people around me to love on me. I have also not only accepted but embraced the oh so humbling feeling of being so overwhelmed with love and care, but not being able to give anything back in return. I have been emptied for God to fill, and with very little in me now I do not have much to offer the people around me.

God teaches me lesson after lesson and I feel like I cannot even keep track of them all. I praise God because I feel healing much quicker than I ever would have imagined. I cling to 2 Corinthians 1:3-11. I know that God is working something exciting, amazing and beautiful. I feel humbled that he has chosen me to be a part of it.

As much as I wish the aching in my chest would just stop... I'm okay waiting for God to take it away in His time. If we never love, we'd never be broken and hurting. And God is very clear that we must love. The hurt is inevitable, but he will comfort us, he can't break his promises. I trust Jonathon's entire family into God's hands. I have loved them like my own. In December of '08 is when it hit me the hardest that the love I have for them was not different than the love I have for my family. I am not just losing a best friend whom I have cared for with everything I had and loved as selflessly as I knew how, but an entire family. And in that I hurt.

Children's Books.

The children at my daycare love reading books so much. This makes me smile so much. The second book I read to three little boys was handed to me by a 1.5 year old boy. It is by Max Lucado... Just in Case You Ever Wonder

"Long, love ago God made a decision-

a very important decision...

one that I'm really glad He made.

He made the decision to make you.

The same hands that made the stars made you.

The same hands that made the canyons made you.

The same hands that made trees and the moon and the sun made you.

That's why you are so special. God made you.

He made you in a very special way.

He made your eyes so they would twinkly.

He made you mouth so you could smile.

He made you laugh so you could giggle.

God made you like no one else.

If you looked all over the world-

in every house- there would be

no one else like you...

no one with you eyes,

no one with your mouth,

no one with your laugh.

You are very, very special."

:) I smiled big when I read this. What was meant for little children touched the heart of a nineteen year old today. My God sees in me what he created so uniquely that no person will ever be able to see. He thinks I am something else. He thinks I am the apple of his eye.

Here it is.

So nothing is going to change. I am not going to go into details for the entire world so I am sorry for the ambiguity. But Jonathon and I have officially broken up as of last night. All I will say is that there was no infidelity involved. This was between us alone. With that said. I am not going to hide my pain. It's there. I feel like at some point coming up I should run out of tears and from the size of the bags under my eyes I wish it would happen quickly. My heart has not relented in the physical aching and I have eaten three green beans all day today because the thought of food makes me gag. Even in all of that, I trust God. I trust my heart into his hands and I know that when the fire comes it will subside and I will be closer to the woman he has created me to be. And in that I do rejoice. After a night of maybe two hours of sleep at the most and nonstop prayers to my Father I crawled out of be reluctantly for work. I didn't want to go. I didn't want to face anyone. My family showered me with love and I just want to stay curled up with my mom and dad all day as they prayed over me. But I couldn't bring myself to be one of those dumb girls who is so beat up about a break-up she feels the need to cancel everything and sulk. So I went to work. Upon my arrival two amazing children ran up to me with the proclamation "Emily!!!" "Minnie!!!" We embraced. They kept wanting more hugs and more kisses and it took everything I had to not cry. They love me. They love me like only a child can love. Looking past my puffy eyes and baggy pants and loving me. My second diaper change of the morning was with a precious boy who I just cant get enough of his intense hugs and smacking kisses. My heart hurt and as I changed him I told him how much I loved him. He than proceeded to spit out a fast and slightly mumbled "I Love You." Never has he said that before. I cried. Right there. All day I just received text after text of Bible verses and reminders that I was being prayed for. I have never felt so loved. Never felt so washed in prayer. Never felt like my heart mattered so much. In all of this pain I have realized the people that care. The people that choose to love me selflessly. I barely know how to handle it. Jaime came over to work out with me the dear soul mate that she is. We talked and before she left we prayed. Oh how I love our prayers. Then I had to return a phone call I partly wanted to avoid. A dear friend I met in California. Our paths cross rarely and when they do it is always blessed. She felt a tug to call me because obviously God is amazing. She had no idea what was going on. I listened to her share everything about her life. Her engagement, her wedding and the marriage. Then the inevitable question about Jonathon and I came, considering that is how we know each other and where our connection first was. I wanted to lie. I wanted to say fine and brush it off. I didn't want to tell another person about it. But I had to. God spoke through her and I am pretty sure she didn't even realize it. Then as her son was needing to get out of the bathtub she told me she wanted to pray over me before we hung up. I cried. Oh what love. Who would have thought that at a point where it would make sense I would feel the least loved and cared for, I would feel so overwhelmed with true love and care that words cannot even describe it. My heart will slowly stop aching I am sure of it. Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to eat breakfast. For the first time today I have not heard a word from my best friend and love of 2 years and 8 months. But God has us. And as we continue on our ways apart, something I never imagined, I know that God will work something big and beautiful. I mean, he is the creator of the universe. If he can hold all of the galaxies in place I am pretty sure he can hold two pitiful lives that are but a mist in comparison to eternity. There's the Truth.

All I need.

"Left my fear by the side of the road
Hear You speak
Won't let go
Fall to my knees as I lift my hands to pray

Got every reason to be here again
Father's love that draws me in
And all my eyes wanna see is a glimpse of You

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is you Lord

One more day and it's not the same
Your spirit calls my heart to sing
Drawn to the voice of my Saviour once again
Where would my soul be without Your Son
Gave His life to save the earth
Rest in the thought that You're watching over me

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is You Lord

You hold the universe
You hold everyone on earth
You hold the universe
You hold
You hold

All I need is You
All I need is You Lord
Is You Lord"

Habukkuk 3:17-19

Philippians 4:4-9

Philippians 3:7-8

Psalm 121

Psalm 30

Psalm 17:8

1 Peter 4:13

1 Peter 3:4

James 4:13-17

Hebrews 12:12-13

Hebrews 13:6

I wish I could just spend all day in the Word.

God is so amazing.

His word is so powerful.

My God is so wonderful.

He has my heart.

Bearing the Marks of His Love

"I’m now in love

With a Saviour

Bearing the marks of His love"

This gets me every time I sing it. That's what love is all about. Jesus tells me time and time again that He loves me. But what makes me so sure of these powerful words is the way he showed it. The way he died for me. The selflessness and love that encompasses my salvation is overwhelming. Because of his death on the cross I cling to every word he has spoken, I cling to every moment he wants to spend with me. Every day he sends countless love letters to me. Reminders of his Love. It is amazing to have a God that is so passionately pursuing me he never relents. It is like he is not satisfied with showing his love by sending his Son to die for me, even though that is all I will ever need. No, as I go on a walk burdened and crying he leads me to numerous wild daisies because I am in love with the joy that daisies bring. And as I open his Word wondering about my importance he leads me to the Psalms where I read that I am the apple of his eye. I am his pitiful daughter and lover and as I stumble upon the same struggles time and time again he gently sends me the same reminders in all of his love and patience. At times where I struggle to be joyful in all circumstances he doesn't push me and tell me to get over myself. He gently holds me, wipes away my tears and heals my heart with each reminder of his unconditional love for me. He after all is the God of all comfort. I look at myself and can't figure it out. I am nothing special. I cannot love like I am supposed to, I am selfish and prideful. I do not invest into others like my God has invested into me and commands me to do. I am nothing. I do not use my gifts for his glory. I spend far too much time for myself. I do not always give cheerfully. I am wretched and disgusting. Yet he loves me. My God loves me. The creator of the ends of the earth and the galaxies that surpass understanding loves me. The God who was and is and is to come is pursuing me, relentlessly, passionately and purposefully. I cannot wrap my mind around it. I don't need to either, because I know it to be true, and I trust in him with everything I have. This is the best love story I could ever be a part of.

Girlfriend.

It is not possible to be a supportive and selfish girlfriend at the same time.

Why do I still try?

My first love.

"If you could love me as a wife
And for my wedding gift, your life
Should that be all I’d ever need?
Or is there more I’m looking for"

I love my Jesus.

He satisfies every silly thing I could ever need.

And even if he never did it wouldn't matter.

He has given me more than anyone ever could and I will never forget his sacrifice on the cross that has given me life. And than on top of that wants to spend every possible moment with me. I love him.

This is silly.

Last night I started feeling miserable.  Chilled to my bone and not okay with life.  Jaime and I still opted to go to Royal Oak and before we started she prayed God would take away my physical pain, even if it was just for that night so I didn't have any distractions.  Well we stood up and started walking and I felt fine.  Quick answered prayer.  This morning I woke up for church and felt just as bad as I had before she prayed.  During worship I even had to sit down because my body felt so weak.  And now here I lay, fever, sweating, freezing, headache and a very painful cough.  I was so geeked to meet up with a friend before lighthouse and just enjoy my night praising God and engaging in deep prayer with fellow believers.  Now... I lay here.  Call me crazy but I really feel as though this is one of Satan's ways of trying to attack me.  And I am not okay with it.

eh.

It always irks me when a pastor can write out his entire sermon word for word.  That seems to me more of a message based on human knowledge and understanding rather than letting the Spirit go where the Spirit may go.  Let the Spirit out people.  It is not so much of a scary thing.

One conversation in Royal Oak was the sole reason we drove 45 minutes each way tonight and it was amazing.    

The way I was made.

I have begun to read Chris Tomlin's book, The Way I Was Made, per the suggestion of a dear friend.  The book has hit home on so many levels already and I am not even halfway in.  So far he has spoken on some simple and already known facts about our relationship with God.  But in his writing and intermixing of his story and songs he has written, it has impacted my heart in such a beautiful way.  I feel myself being very encouraged and that is something I am enjoying very much.  Tonight I am having an entire family get together and Jaime is totally a part of that.  I am excited.  Family rocks. 

iChat.

Closing out of iChat is the worst feeling ever. 

It makes the knots in my stomach that went away when I opened it, come back full force and maybe worse. 

Maybe sleep will come quickly. 

knots.

The knots currently in my stomach are unbearable right now.  

I wish I could scream out why they are there.  

But it is not my place.

And sometimes I really wish it was.

The longer I keep it in, the more I feel like I am going to pass out. 

Isaiah 40:28-31

Next time I see you, please ask me to recite this passage of scripture for you.  

If I cannot, you can just give me a blank stare and I will feel convicted, which is what I want.

Thanks :)

"My niece is coming to church on Sunday..."

I met with two very amazing people today at Starbucks to pray.  I love that the three of us could sit there in very passionate prayer and just as we were about to end we overheard a barista saying that her niece was going to church on Sunday.  We heard nothing before and nothing after, but we prayed for them :)  It made us all very happy about life.  Sometimes I really cannot get enough of prayer.  It is so amazing that are prayers are heard by God and they are like incense to him.  My God is so amazing.  I love that his Spirit convicts me.  After a sin today that could be seen as so minor in the eyes of even fellow Christians,  the Spirit convicted my heart so deeply that I was near physical shaking and my heart burned within me.  I was able to repent so immediately but found that I was still feeling his deep discipline.  I than realized that the discipline I thought I was feeling after I had repented was Satan working his lies into my mind.  I was able to immediately counteract those lies with truth from scripture and rebuke the demons that were trying to invade my mind.  I praise my God that he laid the scripture on my heart.  I am so grateful that God is teaching me what it means to take every thought captive.  If only it was easier than it sounded.  Every.  That doesn't leave much room for letting a few thoughts slip by.  

If it is not for God,

it is against God.    

I call dibs.

Jaime called dibs on the verse in Romans I want to talk about.  By her calling dibs it means that she gets to blog about it and I am not allowed to.  So when she does I will lead you to it because it is going to be profound and amazing. 

Tonight my girl soul mate and I walked three miles to Starbucks to drink water and devour the Bible for forty minutes, and than walk three miles back.  It was wonderful.  On the way back some yappy dog barked at us out of a car moving approximately 45 miles per hour.  I was not okay with it.  We almost peed ourselves and had to stop for a few moments to gain composure.  Ridiculous.  I need to sleep, otherwise I would write a 4 page blog about how amazing God is.  I am in love.  Jesus rocks at life.  I love that I am surrounded by people who hold prayer to such a high regard.