I was boxing with my mom...

The cry of my heart. 

Love Group.

Seriously.  I cannot put into words how amazing the group of people are that I currently have in my life.  Intensity.  It has been a night completely filled with the Holy Spirit rocking out our conversation.  After some prayer and amazing time diving in and out of 2 Timothy and Titus, Jaime and I went for a discombobulated run in the dark where I recited Psalm 121 over and over again when we were lost from each other and I thought I might die.  We than met everyone else back at home after they made an amazing ice cream run.  A few games of scattergories later, here I am.  Needing sleep like mad.  And being selfish and sad that Jonathon is eating dinner at TGI Fridays,  the restaurant we had our first date that wasn't really a date for his birthday on October 4, 2006 while I don't even get to hear his voice before I fall asleep.  

Face this fact like mad:

If it is not from God... it is from Satan.

There is no in between.  

It is good... or evil.

If you do not spiritually train yourself up to take captive every thought... you weaken yourself and give room for demons to enter without as hard of a fight. 

If you  have physical pain... go to Brian.  He will figure you out.  He may still be a student, but he's got this.  Even though it was pretty ridiculous that I am messed up enough where everything about me that he checked, had an issue that he had to fix.  Thank goodness he doesn't mind postponing his ice cream consumption to take away the pain from my walking.  Praise God for creating in each of us different gifts.  

I have a headache I am so tired. 

Babysitting in the am.  Four lovely children I miss so dearly.  I am pumped!!

Jesus, Tea, and Raves.

I drank tea everyday this past weekend at the most amazing tea place ever.  Sarah was working every time and I think she's something great.  Jaime and I fake lived together and it was dandy.  We snuggled at night and I woke her up when she was an hour late for work.  We prayed together, waited on God, journaled, went to random shops to not spend money, shared our hearts and mostly became even greater soul mates.  We usually walk outside of the bars and do our notecard thing,  but it was techno weekend like mad so we raved without the drugs.  It was a unique weekend that I wouldn't change for the world.  At the electronic music festival and the club after I wish there were more sober people than just Jaime and Ted.  I feel like I wish more people could have been laughing at the ridiculousness of the dancing that I was busting out based solely on the fact that I felt like I was getting a work out.  Haha.  I wish I could go into more detail but I am tired.  I have had an exhausting day.

Cliff and Ang rock at life and are the greatest leaders by the way.      

How did I miss this?

Boys are the new girls.

Since when?

Supposedly everyone knows about this new phenomenon, but I just missed the memo.

It has been an exciting weekend. 

I have a lot to write.  But have to go pick Jaime up from work so we can church it up. 

Love Jesus. 

Pretty Soon.

I am going to blog about this weekend.

And it is going to be crazy! 

Prepare yourself.

It is Nicole's birthday. I love her.

I love having family together on a beautiful day, wearing a skirt and flip flops and eating grilled hamburgers :)

Selfish.

I feel selfish to be able to have a boy that instead of wanting to avoid me when I am ultimate crankster of a mood and no fun to talk to he wishes he could just cuddle with me.  I would want to get as far away from me as I could if I were him... I want that and I am me. 

Jon's friend in California has this girlfriend who is amazing and I have met her once and loved everything about her.  In one night we discussed our entire lives and are a lot alike.  We have since talked on numerous occasions, she even called me on my birthday that sweet girl :),  well I just found out she is getting married this June.  I am so excited for her considering we have talked about this whole marriage deal many times and I am glad at least one of us doesn't have to wait for forever.  She already is an amazing mom and is going to make an amazing wife.  Her son is not her future husband's but he is an amazing father already.  I am so excited for what their future holds.  After all they have had to go through with him being all rockstar with David Cook and all I do not doubt their marriage.  They are strong, in love and determined.  I love them a lot.  And am not even a little envious...

Samuel.

I started reading the book of 1 Samuel on Saturday morning and fell in love.  I had all but one chapter finished by the end of the night.  I began reading 2 Samuel on Monday but am a little disturbed.  Because Samuel died back in the first book.  I don't understand why they named a whole other book after him.  It should be called David.  Because thats really what this is all about.

 A few mixed up conclusions from 1 Samuel:

Love and serve the Lord with your whole heart.

Do not lay a hand on God's anointed.

If God is ever searching for a woman after His own heart, I hope he thinks I fit the description.

Soul mates are legitimate.  Not just close friends or whatever.  Soul mates.  I feel blessed to have one- she's a girl.

Don't let your children blaspheme the Lord, your whole house will be cursed.

God doesn't judge by outward appearance.  Thank goodness!

When I read about Goliath I thought about a little boy at the daycare and smiled a real lot, I wished I was reading it with him.

I wish Israel wasn't so stupid and God was still are King.

Fitting in with people around you just causes you crap.

I am glad God's not okay with a man having three different wives now.

I want to be filled with the Spirit and prophesy.

How does God send a disabling spirit?  I am so confused on that one.

I want to play guitar so when people have disabling spirits my mad guitar skills and the Spirit of God will rid it :)

I am glad I haven't had spears thrown at me by the president.

If our country trusted in God this war would be long over by now. 

I wonder if my Jonathon would ever cut off foreskins of like thirty men to have me as his wife.

I wonder why David would send his wife to marry someone else after he did that to get her? 

Bible Jonathan was crazy sacrificial and gave up his entire future for his soul mate.  

Jonathan still died next to his father because he understood the importance of family and respecting your father even though he tries to kill your soul mate.

I wonder how God can be all knowing and not be mad at David ahead of time for what we all know he does because of his lust.  

I am glad we don't have to sacrifice animals anymore.

I am glad that I am allowed to converse daily with the creator of the universe.

I am glad he loves me as his own child and has overwhelmed my heart with his love.

I am glad that he has given me a super cozy couch to sleep on.  

I am glad that he has blessed me with an amazing boyfriend to be in love with... even when we only get to talk for ten minutes all day :( I miss him.

I love Jesus, okay?

Oh and I also love my dear friend Samee a lot.  She is beautiful and amazing and on my heart all of the time.  I am supposedly waking up early to go walking... but its almost 1230 already.  I hate when hours go by so quickly!

 

Family*

I love everything about them. 

I am so blessed. 

Everyone should get a chance to know them.  

Airfares.

I hate that I search cheap airfares so frequently and I say that I have flexible dates.  I hate that I find week trips for less than $250.  I hate that Jonathon lives in California.  I hate that I am not moving there tomorrow.  And I hate that I have to wait like 17 years until we can hang out without buying a plane ticket to do so.  I hate that I feel so hateful right now.  I super am filled with love somewhere.  

I hate that when I reread that I wanted to cry.  

Im going to play guitar.  

My tummy hurts. 

Too many options.

Right now I feel as though I have too many options on what to do in my life.  Such things as where to live, what pair of flip flops I should wear tomorrow, what type of ministry I should focus in, where I should give money to, if I should bother keeping any for myself, who to try to get together with, and on and on I feel like.  Some little, some big things, but I am sick of making decisions.  

Sometimes I want to be busy from six in the morning until ten at night with lots of God time intermixed throughout where I am working, serving, talking, listening and giving all for someone else's benefit and not my own.

But than sometimes I change my mind and want hours free to kiss my nephew, hug my sisters, listen to my parents talk, rollerblade around Stoney, drink too much coffee, bond with my soul mate who is a girl, read the Old Testament, play lots of guitar, turn my phone off and lose it, and look at my handsome boyfriend on my computer screen as he tells me stories and randomly freezes and looks like he has deformities.  

Why do I have such a difficult time doing all of that without feeling misplaced, disorganized and absolutely chaotic?  Why do I still have two laundry baskets full of clean clothes sitting in my room itching to be put away?  Why have I spent this entire blog on lists and run on sentences?  Why I am I typing in front of computer screen when I could be singing a song to Jesus as I cautiously strum along?  Goodnight. Good night.  Is it one of two words?  I never know.  My computer doesn't underline either.  Both look wrong to me right now.  I have issues. 

hmmm.

This picture is a happy reminder to me of how much this long distance relationship will be worth every moment of aching heart when one day we can finally hang out in real life without spending $300 and a four hour plane ride.  

I wonder why my blogging has been so scarce?

I am not sure.

But I do know that I miss California and beautiful friends who love Jesus and can praise the beauty of God's amazing creation with me as we walk along the beach :)

Guitar Time. I am so tired.  5.5 hours of 1 Timothy discussions on a Friday night.  My life never gets boring.  God is intense. Work tomorrow.  Exhausted.  Need guitar. Miss Jonathon.  Need Jesus. Have pins and needles in my feet. Have low battery on my computer.  Want pajamas.  Must start saving for an amp so Jaime and I can start a garage band for Jesus.  Only one mic necessary because my voice will not be projected.  Need a cured ankle so rollerblading around Stoney at 0630 am does not make pressing on the gas pedal painful.  Can't keep my eyes open.  Need to do my hand stretches on my guitar so my fingers don't die.  Need to play a song.  Love Jesus.  This is the end of these not really sentences.  My heart is happy.  

Relationships.

While praying with a dear friend tonight God gave me the word "relationships."  I believe there is a lot in this word I have let drift away lately.  God has lately been showing me many broken relationships I have and after showing me this, given me this word, and now I hope he is going to teach me how to better act as he would in relationships and teach me how to mend them.  That is the longest sentence that is so very grammatically incorrect but I am too tired to re-read it and rearrange the wording to make better sense.  Instead I just want to play guitar to Jesus.  More and more so lately I have taken much solace in playing my guitar.  I feel so at peace with Jesus and I can feel his smile cover me as I play.  I can feel him comforting me in my mistakes as he reminds me that this playing is for his glory and he is taking pleasure in it.  It is nice to hear that Jesus is taking pleasure in my guitar playing, or lack thereof if we're being honest.  I also like that I don't feel that way based on what I think I know about Him, but what he reveals to my heart as I quietly play the same chords over and over again.  He calms my Spirit and reminds me that I am not my own.  

My friend was talking of how God knows our deepest desires that no one else knows and she shared one with me.  I then realized I am unaware of the deepest desires of my heart God is aware of so I should probably search those out so I can put them to use.  I love my Savior.  I love that he completes my heart.  I love that if no one else were in my life to build me up and admonish me in my faith walk I still would have no need to be sad.  Jesus is all I need and I will forever rest in his glory as he unconditionally overflows his love over me.  

My cup overflows.

Just so great.

Never getting to talk to my boyfriend is just the greatest thing ever.  

New...

I need to write something new but I am not sure where to begin.  So I just won't.  Thanks for reading. 

Sleep.

I am sick of being a do everything at night person.  I am trying to reverse that role so I can enjoy waking up early and hanging out with God as the sun rises and he reminds me yet again of his faithfulness. 

Job 38:12-13 

"Have you commanded the morning since your days began,

 and caused the dawn to know its place,

that it might take hold of the skirts of the earth,

 and the wicked be shaken out of it." 

God is so big that if he decided to keep the sun set until 400 tomorrow afternoon, he could do it.  But he has used the sunrise as a beautiful reminder of his consistent faithfulness, day in and day out.  It is going to be difficult to reverse this role of night person to morning person if I cannot fall asleep at night....

 

"I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You’re beautiful"

-Phil Wickham- You're Beautiful.

Amazing song that God has woken me up singing on numerous occasions over the past week.  

With the beauty of creation what can I do but praise it's creator?