Work.

I am excited to go to work today.

A week away makes me miss those kids like mad.

I am also excited to drive to my apartment in royal oak after work.

So much is going on at one time it is ridiculous.

But God is good.

God has my heart.

And he has something huge in store for me.

I am just so excited to find out what it is :)

Careless spending.

I bought a pair of shorts yesterday.

I don't need them.

They aren't even that cute if we're being honest.

But they are a size smaller than I have worn in a couple years.

And that was worth the $12 they cost.

I am going to Florida today with amazing friends.

It has come so fast, and although we are having a going away picnic for Denise and Mike and the rain is a bad idea, it makes driving to Florida more exciting :)

I am very excited to be outside in the scorching sun and get some tan for my not tan self.

I am also excited about leaving my phone at the house while I go lay out at the beach, feeling the liberation of not being connected to anyone but God and the wonderful people around me.

Strangely, I miss work already.

Attack.

Last night during the Esther study at Watershed Beth Moore said something that rung so true in my life right now. I am not sure if she was quoting someone else or these were her words, but concerning the wilderness journey she says, "You will never be more prone to attack than when God is taking you out of where you had been and bringing you to where you are going." I have definitely felt this a couple weeks ago as I have had to take captive thoughts and take my stand against temptations I thought that had been overcome years ago. But this past week has been strange to me. Satan is breathing lies into me that as much as I am aware of where they are coming from and how untrue they are, I feel so weak that I am letting them fester. I know that I have authority to claim the truth of Jesus Christ and although I have been trying my heart feels so heavy at warfare that I cannot even work up enough strength in and of myself. The lies I am hearing are appalling and so utterly untrue.

Emily, You do not love God enough to be a leader or mentor anyone, you are such a hypocrite.

Emily, You are a thoughtless daughter.

Emily, You are a selfish sister.

Emily, You are an inconsistent friend.

Emily, You are a horrible teacher and could never handle a higher position.

Emily, You are too irresponsible to live on your own.

Emily, You are not captivating to anyone nor will you ever be.

Emily, You do not radiate Christ's love like you should be.

Emily, You do not have deeds alongside your faith therefore your faith is dead.

Emily, You are so immature and unwise.

Emily, This.

Emily, That.

Lies lies lies.

Yet they hurt my heart. I hate that I give any of them even a second thought. Some quickly come and go. Others linger. Some scare me. Some make me not even want to talk to anyone. Some zap the joy right out of me.

All I can do is trust that God will fight the battle for me when I am too weak... Which I am right now.

If God needs hints, that was one.

My current Romance.

I'm not sure why after worshipping my God with this song I can still have such a heavy heart...

I don't like it.

But I love this song.

He is jealous for me
Love's like a hurricane,
I am a tree
Bending beneath the weight of
His wind and mercy
When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great your affections are for me.

Oh, how He loves us so
Oh, how He loves us
How He loves us so.
(x2)

Yeah, He loves us
Whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves us
Whoa, how He loves.
(x2)

We are His portion and
He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption
by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking
So heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss and my heart turns
violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about the way

Babysitting.

My favorite part about babysitting is putting a three year old to bed and feeling his arms embrace my neck. Then in his tired little voice hearing, "I love you so much Emily Bickel, thanks for playing with me today" as he kissed my cheek and cuddled closer.

I didn't want to get up when he fell asleep.

Done.

I am done with God doing amazing things in my life and my heart and Satan trying to use them to fill me with lies. I belong to the Truth. Lies have no place here.

Lazy.

I hate that I have been so lax in my blogging this past week. God has been moving beautifully and I have spent so much time journaling and in conversation with people that by the time I get to typing it here I feel like everyone already knows and just get lazy about typing it.

Basically right now I can't put into the words the thanksgiving I cannot stop pouring forth to God. The ways in which he has chosen to take care of my heart are undoubtedly the most thoughtful and loving ways I have every been pursued daily. When my computer isn't going to die and my stomach isn't causing me such immense pain (yay for stomach viruses that keep me up till 5 am throwing up and curled into a ball and making me stay home missing the children at work I have been missing since last night ): ) I am going to Tell the Story like my Grandpa encouraged me to do when we talked this past weekend.

Give God all glory for he is the only one deserving it. When I can sit up straight without pain I am excited to learn the song Acres of Hope on guitar because I will totally be able to :)

Religilous.

I do not know why I watched this movie. I knew from the first time I read an article about it I wanted nothing to do with it. But tonight I watched it. I cannot begin to put my thoughts into words as I process what I watched. It was the most repulsive display of Christianity I have ever seen in my life. This man takes his "evidence" which with the little study in apologetics that I have is quickly proven inaccurate and brings them to the most blasphemous of people I have seen. The words in which he spoke and most of the religious people he interviewed made me sick to my stomach and almost drew me to tears. How lost our world is. The saddest part of the whole movie was that I felt like if it weren't for Christians this man would have fallen in love with Jesus as his Savior awhile back. He knew the scriptures, he knew about the life of Jesus and what He taught. But he couldn't find anyone who lived their life like Christ did. I can't write about this anymore. I am far too tired. My new favorite song appears as though it will be easy enough for me to learn. I am so excited :)

Current Song I can't stop listening to.

He will allure her
He will pursue her
And call her out
To wilderness with flowers in His hand
She is responding
Beat up and hurting
Deserving death
But offerings of life are found instead

She will sing
She will sing
Oh, to You
She will sing as in the days of youth
As You lead her away
To valleys low
To acres of hope
Acres of hope

Here in the valley
Walk close beside me
Don’t look back
For love is growing vineyards up ahead
You have called me master
And though you’re in the dark here
Call me friend
And call me lover and marry me for good

She will sing
She will sing
Oh, to You
She will sing as in the days of youth
As You lead her away
To valleys low
To acres of hope
Acres of hope

How the story ends is
Love and tenderness in Him
Not safe, but worth it
So the valley’s up ahead
Or the ones we live
We’ll sing together
We’ll sing together

We will sing
We will sing
Oh, to You
We will sing as in the days of youth
As You lead us away
To valleys low
To acres of hope
Acres of hope

Breakfast at Tiffany's.

Breakfast at Tiffany's is my favorite song.

It was always the song I would remember that Jonathon surprised me with at Coffee Beanery

at the Ben and Jon show and I cried and was speechless.

He could always sing it to put a smile on my face.

I knew it would never fit for any situation I would be in but I loved it regardless.

Yesterday my cousin taught me a simplified version of it that I could play.

As we sang I realized it fit for my situation a bit.

So strange.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcmH1LdPNKA

Here is our King.

"And what was said to the rose to make it unfold

Was said to me here in my chest

So be quiet now, and rest."

"I am my beloved's

and his desire is for me."

Song of Solomon 7:10

Song of Solomon 3:4

"You have turned for me my mourning into dancing;

you have loosed my sackcloth

and clothed me with gladness,

that my glory may sing your praise and not be silent.

O Lord my God, I will give thanks to you forever!"

Psalm 30:11-12

I still long for people to see in my the woman described in Proverbs 31...

Matthew 8:13... That's a blog for another day. Holy crap. As I flipped through I skimmed it quickly because it was underlined but woah... I'll post about it soon.

Time in the Desert.

Right now in my life I am partially, very partially, understanding what Jesus went through when He was in the desert for those forty days after his amazing baptism. Mine has only been three days so far and I am praying it doesn't have to be forty... But if it is I know that something beautiful will come at the end of it. I am just so blessed God opened my eyes to what is going on around me spiritually.

Satan is a fool. I am pretty angry that he thinks so little of me he is trying to open doors that God closed over two years ago. But then again, he is not all knowing like my God is. So I will just have to prove to him my devotion to God and the fact that God owns every aspect of my heart, and if he wants to try to open something up from my past he will have to take it up with my Savior who has already defeated him on the cross. Plus I have authority too by the grace of God. Only Jesus will reign in me. Satan can try whatever he wants and take whatever he wants from me. But my lips will always shout forth praises to my Creator.

It's a battle.

But I am on the winning team :)

And I will never let go of that Truth.

Need to Blog it.

Sometimes after days like today I just need to blog...

But I am waking up in less than seven hours to do the Shred and run.

So I am going to choose sleep instead of proclaiming to the world the joy in my heart.

Plus so much of what has made my heart joyful should be in my private journal anyways...

oh well.

Glory to God.

He is amazing.

And the gentleness in which He holds my heart is miraculous to me.

How delicate his touch.

How soft a whisper his voice.

How much I love for more and more of him in my life.

He is my portion.

He is my heart.

He is my joy.

He is my love.

Oh I can't stop smiling.

Running.

I ran a mile this morning and my ankle only hurt with a few steps!!! I am so excited. I cannot remember the last time I ran without pain. Praise God. Ill be running marathons before we know it... okay or not.

Why I love babysitting.

My conversation with the boy I was babysitting as I put him into bed"

Me: Okay, I am going to turn off the lights, but I will leave the door open for you. You need to stay in your bed.
Boy: Well if you leave the door open then I will just run everywhere.
Me: If you do that then I will shut the door.
Boy: If you shut the door I will just make a big big mess in my room.
Me: Then I will come in and look at the mess and you will get in big trouble.
Boy: If you get me in big trouble I will tell my mommy and daddy not to have you come and play with me ever again.

I bust into laughter because I just couldn't help it, he starts laughing and I just had to leave to compose myself. Upon return...

Me: If you tell mommy and daddy not to have me come play with you, I will just come play with you anyways because I love you very much and we are best friends so that means you can't get rid of me that easily.
Boy: (laughs) Okay Emily Bickel, I will stay in my bed.
Me: Alright, and I will close the door.

:)
I love him so much. Three year olds rock.

Marley and Me

I am one of those annoying people who refuses to watch or read anything that everyone is ranting and raving about in fear that I will be one of those people.
Tonight as I babysat I caved and watched Marley and Me. In my mind I was planning on just shutting it off after the boy I was watching went to bed... but I just kept watching it. It was an amazing movie. I cannot recall the last movie that had a better ending line...


"A dog has no use for fancy cars, big homes, or designer clothes. A water log stick will do just fine. A dog doesn't care if your rich or poor, clever or dull, smart or dumb. Give him your heart and he'll give you his. How many people can you say that about? How many people can make you feel rare and pure and special? How many people can make you feel extraordinary?"

Shredding.

As I stand here typing, my legs and arms are shaking.

All from a twenty minute work out.

I love this.

I also love that compliments of Shawn I have the best break up song ever to jam to. :)

I have a couple hours before I babysit and I am majorly looking forward to all of that God time.