Starbucks Bathroom Quarter

So I just cannot hold in this amazing story.  Tonight as I spent hours with my dear friend LB we just searched scripture together and shared our hearts and passions like dear friends do.  We reached a point where with tears in our eyes we felt the same desire to travel the coast of California by backpack only.  With a couple shirts, a map and love for everyone we meet.  With all of the joy of this conversation ranting about being on an adventure with God trusting every step and choice into his hands I almost peed myself.  So I went to the bathroom.  {Quick backtrack in my life:  I have this new found post it note ministry I think everyone should do.  Every public place I go I leave a post it note somewhere that someone will find.  It has a message that I feel on my heart to write, simple or deep, and I pray that God would bless the person who finds it and speak to their heart through it.  It is way fun not knowing but trusting that God WILL use it}  So I am peeing and I look down and see a quarter by the garbage can.  Instantly my heart loudly said, "God will ALWAYS provide"  I was like. Awesome God! I am totally going to post it note that quarter somewhere.  It will definitely encourage the one who finds it with how hard times are now. Blah blah blah. I was pumped about it.  Than I picked it up to put it in my pocket and noticed the tails side of this quarter was a California quarter.  I cried right then and there in the Starbucks bathroom.  That post it note I had planned to write for someone God had already written for me!!  How he takes time to do things like this for me is amazing because He is in love with me.  Pitiful, wretched, adulterous, selfish and scared little girl that I am.  He loves me. No matter.  Mark Buchanan states God's amazing love compared to ours like this.   

"What if God loved as I did- proportionally, moderately, prudently, frugally, as it suited Him?  When it was convenient.  When there was charm in the other to woo Him.  When there was something love-worthy in the other, something there to draw love out.  When there was a twinge of guilt, a nagging sense of personal debt." 

Ouch.  That is exactly how I love.  How I love my family, my friends, Jonathon, my enemies, strangers, and most disgustingly how I love my God. My Creator. My Redeemer.  My Best Friend. My Savior. My All in All. My Shepherd. My Strength.  My Counselor. My Lover.  That is where I mess up.  I sometimes get so consumed with how God is mine that I brush over the fact that I am His.  I am His.  He does not need me.  I need Him.  He does not need my love, he desires it.  I cannot live without his love.  Without the Love of Jesus my life has no purpose.  Without his love there would be no reason to love anyone else.  No reason to bite my tongue when I am angry.  No reason to overtip my waitress.  No reason to reach out to the hurting in this world.  No reason to leave post it notes for people.  God is Love.  And he lavishes that on my every day all day.  When I am making mean comments to my sisters, he loves me.  When I am judging someone based on their outward appearance he loves me.  When I am engrossed in the things of this world rather than of Him, he loves me.  When I expect more from Jonathon than I am willing to give, he loves me.  My God loves me even when I deliberately act in ways that disgust him to no end.  

Oh Who am I that you are mindful of me?

I am so amazed that God not only knows the number of hairs on my head but also every deepest thought of my heart and mind.  I cannot even keep up with my mind or the rate at which my heart races (Thanks to too espresso on many occasions).  But God knows it deeply and intimately.  

I am His.  He chose me.  Wow.