Attack.

Last night during the Esther study at Watershed Beth Moore said something that rung so true in my life right now. I am not sure if she was quoting someone else or these were her words, but concerning the wilderness journey she says, "You will never be more prone to attack than when God is taking you out of where you had been and bringing you to where you are going." I have definitely felt this a couple weeks ago as I have had to take captive thoughts and take my stand against temptations I thought that had been overcome years ago. But this past week has been strange to me. Satan is breathing lies into me that as much as I am aware of where they are coming from and how untrue they are, I feel so weak that I am letting them fester. I know that I have authority to claim the truth of Jesus Christ and although I have been trying my heart feels so heavy at warfare that I cannot even work up enough strength in and of myself. The lies I am hearing are appalling and so utterly untrue.

Emily, You do not love God enough to be a leader or mentor anyone, you are such a hypocrite.

Emily, You are a thoughtless daughter.

Emily, You are a selfish sister.

Emily, You are an inconsistent friend.

Emily, You are a horrible teacher and could never handle a higher position.

Emily, You are too irresponsible to live on your own.

Emily, You are not captivating to anyone nor will you ever be.

Emily, You do not radiate Christ's love like you should be.

Emily, You do not have deeds alongside your faith therefore your faith is dead.

Emily, You are so immature and unwise.

Emily, This.

Emily, That.

Lies lies lies.

Yet they hurt my heart. I hate that I give any of them even a second thought. Some quickly come and go. Others linger. Some scare me. Some make me not even want to talk to anyone. Some zap the joy right out of me.

All I can do is trust that God will fight the battle for me when I am too weak... Which I am right now.

If God needs hints, that was one.