Wisdom Teeth.

Well after getting 4 impacted wisdom teeth out I sit here on vicodin. I had the wrong impression about it. I thought it was going to take the pain away. I thought it was going to make me loopy, tired and comfortable. All of which are untrue. I just finished watching Little Women. A fantastic movie. A classic. I love it. It makes me love my sisters all the more.

I will vent a little bit about my experience today at the dentist. As they started me on laughing gas my arms started going numb. The more numb they went the more I had to pee. I pondered to myself if I should say something or my body would just know to not pee my pants. I didn't want to risk it. I cautiously walked to the bath and tried to control the shaking of my body. As I made it back to the chair and started breathing in the gas again they dentist and hygienist came and sat next to me. As they made me open my mouth I flipped out inside. I wanted to yell and tell them I am far too conscious for them to start anything. After the started working a little they asked me how the gas was making me feel. I asked if I was going to be this conscious during the entire thing... and they said yes. I was not okay with that. I gagged, my tears watered, I squeezed some ladies hand. The drilling and banging around inside my mouth was unbearable. I felt like such a huge nasty wimp. But feeling him digging around inside of me was just the stupidest idea ever. They kept telling me to breathe more through my nose. Let me say that while your mouth is wide open, with what feels like 18 hands pulling my lips ways theyre not supposed to go and trying to hold your head still despite the pulling and prying is not at all simple. He kept saying "more aesthetic" and every time he said it I liked him more and more. They kept telling me to let my mind drift off to my wedding plans. Not helpful. Finally after what seemed like both teeth were removed from the right side he said, "ready for the last three?" I thought it was a joke. But it wasn't. I vowed to take the remainder of the time and use it to worship Jesus. I said Emily, pretend your being tortured for your faith. Haha. Looking back I guess that gas really did help a little. So as they began away on my second tooth I started singing in my mind, "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty. Who was and is and is to come." I thought about Jaime and how we said that over and over again for an hour one time. So I prayed for Jaime. And I prayed for Jonathon a super lot. And thinking about Jonathon I thought about "You're Beautiful" by Phil Wickham, how we're going to use that song for worship in our wedding. So for the next three teeth I just sang "You're Beautiful" and "Holy, Holy, Holy is the Lord God Almighty" over and over and over again. And as I sang in my mind I realized how many different levels of thoughts I have. Which is weird. Like I would be singing that, and than I would have a thought over that, like at the same time. It must have been the gas. But as I sang I thought, I wonder how God views worship when you are on laughing gas. And than I trumped that thought by realizing that God searches the heart and draws his worship from there and the gas isn't effecting my heart. And then I reached up and felt my heart beat and knew it was effecting my heart. But I couldn't tell if it was making it faster or slower. And it turned into a crazy theological debate with myself while still not stopping singing simultaneously in my mind. I didn't know that was possible. But it was. And it was crazy. And I realized what was happing and started writing a blog in my head. And it was all very screwy. And I decided I would lose my mind if I was addicted to drugs that did this to me every single day. After two teeth, they gave my jaw a break. So thoughtful. I had to pee again. It was ridiculous. I planned to hold it until I realized that last time I peed it was 915 and now it was 1105 and I was only halfway done. So I very apologetically asked to pee. She made me go in their bathroom in the back because they gave me two pills under my tongue since I was fighting off the aesthetic or something. When the whole thing was finally said and done I wrote notes on a yellow post it. I told her it was a lot worse than I expected. She said it was for her too, asked if my dentist told me but it was the worst theyd ever seen. Fascinating. I asked if it was because of my horrible gagging reflexes or the actual teeth. She said my teeth. And they gave me the amount of gas theyd give a 200 lb man. So cool. I wish I was knocked out. But $392 later I sit here in pain and annoyance with pees on my cheeks. About to watch Elf with my parents and Angela. Would you believe I even miss my babies in all this? I miss my babies so much.