Deuteronomy 23:5

Last night at Watershed Beth Moore had an amazing talk. There were a couple scripture that penetrated my heart. Deuteronomy 23:5 was one of them. It says, "But the LORD your God would not listen to Balaam; instead the LORD your God turned the curse into a blessing for you because the LORD your God loved you." This really hit me for many reasons. First of all when I first read it I had to catch my breath reading the last line, "because the LORD your God loved you." I mean I know God loves me. But sometimes it just entirely takes me breath away, leaves me speechless, bewildered, humbled and joyful. My God loves me. Loves me. I also loved that God was referred to as "the LORD your God" three different times in just one sentence. I don't think that this repetition was just because God didn't have another way to refer to himself... Satan tried with everything he had to make Jon and my break up into a curse for me. But praise God for the blessing that has come from it. God is good. God is so good.

Last night God revealed a lot to me. He spoke to my heart so gently and lovingly, yet in some cases very sternly. For a solid five minutes I just spoke out apologies to God as I was driving home. There are ways in which I live sometimes I just wonder how in the world I am so blind to the detrimental nature of them. Thank the LORD your God for forgiveness, grace, mercy and a clean start.

Beth Moore said something last night. It struck me so deeply.

"We want God to give us strength from our vein imaginations."

That is me right now. That epitomizes me this past month and I pray that I cannot say that a week from now.

I am going to embark on a study called "Me, Myself and Lies" that my cousin is letting me borrow. I am making my heart as vulnerable as possible with God and am going to try to allow him to do so much work and shaping no matter how much it may hurt me. I just have to get myself out of the way and let God loose in my heart. The scariest prayer that I can pray but am forcing myself to pray numerous times a day is "LORD, have your way."