Encouragement.

I spent a few minutes playing bocce ball at Partridge Creek today with Jaime and Rob. Then we walked, talked, and prayed. He had no idea what was going on but after awhile as he asked about what God was stirring in my heart I just had to be honest and tell him he was breaking it and in the process of healing it. He then proceeded to tell me that his chest was very heavy and now it was very clear why and we needed to pray. He also told me that he had a verse that he knew was for me. "Do you know Joshua 1:9?" he asked.... Be strong and courageous? I was right.

Joshua 1:9

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go."

I held back my tears. God overlaps times and there is one conversation I will never forget when I hear this verse. How funny of him to remind me of it. He spoke to my heart and told me that he has both Jonathon and I. That he has engrained that verse on our hearts for a reason. Therefore I need not worry. God is pursuing both of us. In Jeremiahh 32:41 God promises that, "I will rejoice in doing them good, and I will plant them in this land in faithfulness, with all my heart and all my soul." Wow. My God puts forth all of his heart and soul into doing us good. What a God. What a Love.

Anyways. As Rob continued to talk I was blessed by his gift of encouragement. He spoke directly to my heart and read into attributes of mine that I never would have known that he saw in the short time we have known each other considering I didn't really realize they were there. My heart felt lighter as he spoke and I felt the Spirit of God flowing through everything he said. What a blessing. As Jaime walked and only interjected a few words here and there I realized what is so great about soul mates. Our souls speak when our mouths aren't. You can call me crazy. But sometimes when she sits in silence with me is when I feel my Spirit encouraged and refreshed. There is something God did with our souls that is beyond explanation.

God has raised up his body to encourage me and cover me in prayer during this time. I cannot deny the pain or the hurt. The aching in my chest has only slightly subsided since Monday. But God has been ever faithful, acting on his promises and pursuing me with love. I have found joy in this healing process. I have seen how God raises up people around me to love on me. I have also not only accepted but embraced the oh so humbling feeling of being so overwhelmed with love and care, but not being able to give anything back in return. I have been emptied for God to fill, and with very little in me now I do not have much to offer the people around me.

God teaches me lesson after lesson and I feel like I cannot even keep track of them all. I praise God because I feel healing much quicker than I ever would have imagined. I cling to 2 Corinthians 1:3-11. I know that God is working something exciting, amazing and beautiful. I feel humbled that he has chosen me to be a part of it.

As much as I wish the aching in my chest would just stop... I'm okay waiting for God to take it away in His time. If we never love, we'd never be broken and hurting. And God is very clear that we must love. The hurt is inevitable, but he will comfort us, he can't break his promises. I trust Jonathon's entire family into God's hands. I have loved them like my own. In December of '08 is when it hit me the hardest that the love I have for them was not different than the love I have for my family. I am not just losing a best friend whom I have cared for with everything I had and loved as selflessly as I knew how, but an entire family. And in that I hurt.