Back to Michigan I venture.

I didn't want to cry when I left California and my love today.  I tried so hard.  I barely talked the entire way to the airport, half because my stomach hurt so bad I wanted to curl over and die, and the other half because I knew if I said too much or thought too hard I would be an emotional mess.  I was doing good.  But as soon as he put his arms around me to hug me I thought my body would collapse.  I didn't want to be anywhere but his arms.  He made me take off my sunglasses but the moment I looked into his eyes I had to look away.  I can't handle being apart from him.  I can't handle saying good bye.  I can't handle knowing that I have to go months without another hug like that.  Another kiss on my hand.  Another look into his eyes like that.  And no, ichat does not count.  It helped a little that my plane boarded at 350 and we didn't leave his house until 235 (his house is a little over an hour from the airport. Good call)  I didn't want to cry in front of him.  I know it hurts him.  I know that he hates watching me go with tears in my eyes, that he will do whatever it takes to make them go away.  So since I only had a few minutes until my plane boarded I was able to walk away just before the tears came.  The security guard made a joke about how confused he was that my license said under 21 because I clearly did not look under 21.  I should have smiled, given him a little chuckle to let him know his lame attempt to get through the bore of his day was well received and he should keep trying to make other people smile.  But instead I stared him down like he was my judge sentencing me to life in prison.  I wanted nothing to do with anyone else.  I usually like to smile at people who look sad, because smiles are contagious and all.  But I did not return one smile I received till well into my first flight.  Good-byes are miserable.  And sometimes, I am downright miserable without Jonathon.