California.

I am going to California tomorrow to see my boyfriend of two years who I am completely in love with.

I am nervous.

Very nervous.

There are many different reasons that would take me all night to write about, but I feel if I do not get them out I may never begin packing. I'm flying. Not a big deal. I have flown before, but always with adults who lead the way very effectively.  I may be nineteen years old, but I still feel too little to fly on an airplane by myself.  Plus; LAX is a scary airport.  It is huge and very intimidating to a first time solo traveler.  

My boyfriend lives in a studio apartment alone.  Good for him.  Bad for me.  The issue of where I would sleep was difficult to say the least.  Trying to maintain a relationship that has Christ at the center we did what we knew best.  We prayed and read the Bible for months in preparation.  What would we do?  To my parents grave disappointment I have full assurance in my heart that I am going to sleep at my boyfriend's apartment, yes, alone.  I am not sure why God is confirming it on my heart that this is okay when my parents (who I respect and adore so greatly) with much reason are very against this decision.  I spent the last two years of my high school career trying to gain my parents trust and respect.  Finally, I feel as though I have it.  My concern is that this one trip is going to make me have to start from the beginning.  It is hard.  I am so sure that God has given my clear guidance in this decision in ways that I cannot even express in words.  I only wish my parents would not think so little of my because of it.  My boyfriend and I do not and will not have sex until we are married, end of story no questions asked.  This trip would not be possible if I did not stay with him.  I am too poor and Jonathon will not leave me alone in an apartment in Hollywood.  God is going to work something big this weekend.  There is something that only I am capable of doing for God because He has made me so unique that no one else can do what He needs me for.  So I am going to listen and I am going, despite what some people very dear to my heart may think.  I just wish it would be something huge where I would come home and knock people's socks off when I tell them.  Maybe than they would understand why I feel this intensity in my heart.  But God works in ways that we sometimes never see. 

I have been out to California twice so far, with Jonathon's family both times.  Each time I have gone out it has been on a break from the school that he used to attend so I have met a total of 3 of his friends I think.  This time, I am meeting them all.  Actually there is a party on Saturday that I will meet everyone at supposedly.  Many issues arise with this.  From what I hear, Jonathon has talked me up a lot and I fear that when I meet these people face to face, I may not live up to their expectations.  Funny thing to be worried about when supposedly all I care about is pleasing God...hmm.. The last party I went to with excessive amounts of drinking is August of 2006.  Call me lame.  Truth of the story, I let drinking take over my life at such a young age and I let it define who I was.  God has completely removed that desire from my heart so much so that being around it almost feels repulsive to me. I am not worried about myself.  I will not drink.  That is not a question in my mind or a temptation even worth considering.  But I guarantee I will be hurting that entire night.  It will break my heart to see so many young people wasting their Saturday night away on such worldly and hurtful means.  I have this thing where I care about people so much so that my heart aches for them.  I am going to be very pained this weekend.  

Why so serious Emily? If you get grossed out easily, stop reading now.  

Today at work three beautiful women and I sat down together and among us a lovely conversation arose.  We talked about poop. Forever.  It was so intriguing to me.  I can honestly tell you that I loved everything about it. I am a very strange girl.

More gross things that a person should never share with the public? Okay.  Currently my shower has this draining problem.  Basically I have really thick hair that is always falling out in the shower and instead of throwing it away I just slide it aside with my feet., which does nothing.  It's my hair, I can do that.  Well because of this there is always this shallow pool my feet are standing in.  It is never a big deal to me.  In fact my feet often feel especially clean because of it.  But tonight I looked down and the water had a tint of brown in it.  It did not gross me out.  In fact, I was happy about it.  Honestly, I felt joy bouncing around in my heart.  I did not feel so selfish for a brief moment.  And than when I thought to turn the water to freezing cold to feel the uncomfortable feeling so many people are thankful beyond words for, I felt selfish again because I enjoyed my hot shower.  

Oh and I am going to a red carpet event on Friday.  I am not really sure what that means. All I know is that it is not some huge thing that is going to be televised but it is for some hair studio place.  Perfect timing for my goal to not adorn myself with the braiding of my hair of jewels.  :) 

And on the topic of all this California stuff. I love my boyfriend and respect him so much.  He has matured into such an amazing man of God these past two years and is living his life in a city that reminds me of Sodom.  He is not out preaching on the streets.  He is impacting people one heart at a time through the love he invests into his friendships and the Christian example he displays through his lifestyle and interactions with people.  God has blessed me so deeply.  Honestly, that amazing man of God is in love with me.  God surely does work miracles let me tell you.... 

Now I might start packing.. Might.