First Blog :/

This is new to me and quite honestly a little strange.  I journal.  It is private. In the journal that never leaves my purse I cry out to God.  If you read through that journal you would read into my heart and my soul.  You would read the way God works in my heart and is unbelievable at times. And the times I feel like He is ripping my heart apart for a reason I may never understand.  

I have decided to change it up a bit.  With the influence of a couple coworkers and my father I have decided to stop keeping these things on such a private level.  So I will share my heart, life and my passion for writing that has faded over the past couple years.  I do not have a lot of time on my hands to sit in front of a computer and type away.  Quite honestly staring at a computer screen for too long gives me terrible headaches.  But I will give it my best shot.  Heck, I may even end up publishing a book a few years down the road. :)  

I guess I'll start off this blogging experience not by who I was or what I do, but by how I want to live my life.  It is something I will never perfect but by the power of God in my life I will continually strive for.  Any Christian woman out there never heard of the Proverbs 31 woman? I think not.  It may sound lame and a little typical, I get that, but oh how I long to be her one day.  To have that kind of love and devotion to my husband and family one day is something I pray that God will instill in my heart.  I do not think being a good wife and mother comes naturally to women despite what many may think.  It is something that I want to be prepared for, so ring or not, I am asking God to work that in my heart.  So one day when I marry the man God has laid out for the rest of my life, I can be somewhat prepared at least, to be the wife I know he will deserve.  That goes along with being a mother one day, something I only can hope God will bless me with.  

It does seem a little strange that the verses God has laid on my heart are all about marriage and being a good wife when I am not even engaged or expecting it anytime soon.  But, God works, so Ill just listen.  The other verse is 1 Peter 3:1-4.  It is beautiful.  I long to be "precious" in the sight of God so I will continue to pursue this verse in my everyday life.  

I love the scripture.  Honestly, I feel like I cannot get enough of it!  There is so much beautiful Love that will never be grasped in my lifetime no matter how deeply I study it.  The great faith chapter of the Bible, Hebrews 11, is amazing.  As a lifelong Christian I have often just skimmed through it in my personal reading with the mindset of, "mhm, heard it, know what it says."  The other day though, I got to verse 25 and had to read it over and over again!  I was in awe at how blind I had been.  My impression of Moses my whole life was the baby in the basket that all of the little alligators were trying to eat but God saved, turned murderer, turned man of God who hears God's own voice through a burning bush, turned coward, turned leader, turned prideful man who was killed by God because he was too stubborn and angry to listen to God's way of things.  I knew he was an amazing man of God who God worked great and amazing things through, but than I read verse 25 in Hebrews.  Moses chose "rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin."  That struck me.  I thought I knew the life of Moses, I knew how God used him to show His power.  But for some reason in all of my "knowledge" I seemed to gloss over the fact of his choosing to be mistreated rather enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin.  Maybe it struck me so much right now because for the thousands of years between our lives I felt our hearts connect for a brief moment.  I wanted to sit down to a nice cup of coffee and hear him speak of the glory of God being so much more amazing and beautiful than any pleasures sin could lay upon him.  

As of tonight I want to hear Abraham speak.    Abraham who in verse 8, "went out, not knowing where he was going."  Right now in my life, I feel like the typical college student, not knowing where I am going.  I hate that I am placing myself into that mold of confusion because I know I am not really there.  That is just the easiest possible way to describe where I am at without getting into all of these crazy details of the past month.  Sufficient to say, I have no idea where I am going.  The issue I have is that if we are being honest here, I am not going out.  I am sort of sitting around waiting for God to be a little more obvious to my blinded eyes and dumb mind.  I have been praying so hard this past year that God would take my life and move it out of the ordinary, that I would not fit in with America's mold of how my life should look.  And now that He is about to change it, I wish He would give me a little bit more guidance and instruction.  That is where I need Abraham to speak to me.  Because if I really want my life to not fit into the mold, would I not go out?  Even though I may not know where I am going?  Oh God is surely a crazy God.  And I love Him for it.  

This was going to be a quick and short entry.  Funny when God moves it changes how we predict things will be, even as small a thing as a little blog entry that no one will really read.