Emily: I hate Satan.

Loud and clear. I hate him. I want to throw up right now and I am repulsed by his very existence. I have never experienced him so active as I have this past week and I am so angered. Words cannot even express the hatred I feel. I mean. Well. If I could face him right now, I would probably turn into a madwoman screaming and flailing my body at all possible attempts to rid this world of him. If my sister were not sleeping so soundly one wall away I would probably be yelling out at him right now. Telling him how I have never felt this extreme hatred before and he has no place near me or the people I love.

On the other hand. God never ceases to amaze me. Seriously. I know this world is hard and full of sin, but think about how easy He has made this for us. We have to choose between two teams. Like in gym class in fifth grade where there are the two captains choosing teams. The only irony is that it is reversed. It is the players who get to choose the team! This on any other occasion would be a little tricky except there is a big banner over one team proclaiming, "It is Finished! I have already won this battle!" Could it be any easier? I think not.

If I would have been asked a year ago if I have ever been in the middle of a spiritual battle where God entrusted me to fight for Him... I would have said of course! But now I have a whole different idea of what that truly means. This week and these coming three weeks are going to be the biggest battle I have ever experienced. For a brief moment tonight I questioned God.

Am I ready for this? Like seriously ready? I mean this is a big deal! I know we are close and all... but are we close enough? Am I strong enough?

"No, you are very weak."

Okay so why are we doing this than if I'm not strong enough! Shouldn't you use someone who is?!

"Where you are weak, there I am strong. Let me be strong for you."

Okay but I don't have words. You'll always give me the words right?

"When haven't I?"

Well never. But God...

I am scared.