Hate it.

I spent three solid weeks with Jonathon.  We spent at least a portion of every day together and most days through the night even.  Sure we were busy and we had a lot to take care of and worry about, but we were together.  He has been gone since Friday.  We have barely gotten to talk.  I was used to this before, but three weeks of seeing him every day has made this a new phenomenon for me.  Not being able to talk to him has honestly made it difficult to talk to anyone else.  Talking is not work for me, ever.  It has been these past four days.  I feel bad for my family especially because I know they are taking the grunt end of everything.  My parents have been trying so hard to get me to talk to them and share what is wrong but I cannot put the words together and spit them out.  I got out of work early today and took a two hour nap.  I would have laid there for the rest of the day if I could have.  Last night I slept at Jon's house and cried myself to sleep without him.  This is so unlike me and I loathe it so completely.  It is a sure good thing Jonathon is worth this otherwise I would not be able to go through these emotional messes for another year.  

I am glad God still talks to me when I can't talk to Him.  He is so good and I am so undeserving of how passionately He pursues me and how tightly He holds onto me when I do not have enough strength to even gently hold His hand.